Diary of T'Pring, Daughter of T'Pol
by Casey Greene
Summary: T'Pol's daughter gets a little paranoid about her heritage...My friend said the story shoud go here, since it *is* about T'Pol. If it should go in TOS, email me and I'll change it. Thanks for everything!!!!


REVENGE OF STAR-9 TESTING   
or   
Diary of T'Pring   
By Casey Greene   
May 2, 2002 

My mother never spoke of my father. To this day, I do not know who he is. She was the first Vulcan to serve on a Human ship, this much I know, but no more. She rarely speaks at all. When she does, however, the things she says are illogical to the point of insanity. For some incomprehensible and illogical reason, I find myself meditating on then for much longer than necessary. Perhaps the many years she spent amid Humans altered her _katra_. Perhaps, inside her head, her ingrained Vulcan personality is warring against her learned Humanity, and neither has won over the other. 

What would that be like, to be fighting emotion with logic, and having both inside one's head? The constant anguish and never-ending conflict between instinct and enlightenment. Between chaos and reason. But what if it isn't emotion my mother is fighting? What if her many years among Humans have caused her to think; no, to _feel_, that emotions should not be repressed, that they should be expressed freely, and logic should be held in check? What could have brought about this change? Simply living with Humans, on a daily basis, for so many years, or something else? Something more _personal_, more _emotional_. What if some terrible thing happened to her, and since there were no other Vulcans nearby, the experience scarred her and transformed her mind into something not quite Vulcan anymore, but not yet Human either? And if she was mentally harmed, in such a way that preyed upon her emotions, would not the logical (if emotional) thing to do be to seek aid? To seek comfort and release? 

A normal Vulcan most likely would have meditated upon the event and cleansed their mind, or had another assist them. But if she had been mentally assaulted, the very last thing she would have wanted to do in her overwhelming terror and fear would be to relive the experience. Others have observed in Humans, that when they are distraught, they seek out their close companions, friends, who comfort them, often with physical contact. But say my mother, beautiful by any standards, were to go to a male member of the crew for emotional and mental support, could he have taken advantage of her? Would he have preyed upon my mother's condition, and raped her? Or in her condition, could her emotions and instinct have taken over; could she have impulsively initiated sexual intercourse as a way to relieve her pain? _Could my father have been Human?_

If my father were Human, it would explain many things. I, although raised Vulcan, have always had more trouble suppressing my emotions. My telepathic ability is far less than that of my peers. My hair, eyes, and skin are noticeably lighter when compared to others. My eyebrows do not slant up as high as normal, or should I say, _purebred_ Vulcans' do, they are thicker and round down on the ends. It took me much longer to master Vulcan mental and physical exercises, and as a child, I was far more easily distracted and prone to outbursts of emotion, so the Masters at the temple often remind me. But why would they not tell me of this, as they had constantly reminded my betrothed, Spock? His father is Vulcan, but his mother is Human. Hs father was of a higher rank than my mother, why should they hide my heritage from everyone, but expose Spock's as though it were a crime? Perhaps they took pity on my mother, and decided not to compound her already fragile condition by adding "dishonor" to mental and physical weakness. But pity is an emotion, and what _true_ Vulcan has ever been moved to action by emotion? Maybe they did not expose my bi-racial condition because my mother did not "flaunt" her Human lover and bond mate, as Sarek did when he married Amanda according to Vulcan custom. But it still makes no sense! Even those Vulcans who disapproved of Spock's Humanity (all of them) wasted no energy or compassion when insulting and discouraging Spock as a child, though he was trying harder than anyone to succeed at every problem posed to him. 

But what if they didn't know? What if, somehow, my Humanity escaped the notice of the Vulcan High Command, and the priests at the temple? Am I obligated to tell them, and be another object of scorn and disdain, or do I keep this terrible secret to myself? If I am to be married to Spock, will our children be not even further from purebred Vulcans? Would they not be even more ostracized than Spock himself? I would never wish that fate upon even the cruelest of foes; to be punished as a child for the race of their parents. It is not the children who have done wrong; there is nothing they could have done to prevent their own births. The parents should not be punished either, for who can dictate the ways of the universe or of nature? The ones who should be punished, however, are those who would cause the children to feel ashamed of their ancestors, for the only true crimes are those of prejudice and ignorance. Those two characteristics are the most illogical, more so even than love or joy or sorrow. "Infinite diversity in infinite combinations", is that not the Vulcan credo? If so, then why do why do Vulcans persist in honoring racial purity more than triumph through the adversity that they themselves created? 

But who am I to change Vulcan society and perceptions? I am but one woman, insignificant in my station and supposed intelligence. In another time and place, perhaps, I will be able to stand up for the true spirit of IDIC, but now is not the time. I cannot marry Spock; to doom my children to automatic loathing would be unthinkable. I will find a mate of suitable station and racial purity to insure my children a fighting chance to succeed on this planet of hidden prejudice and hatred. I will do it so that some day in the future, children will not live in fear of being discovered that they are not of "pure" blood, so that one's ancestry will not determine one's societal worth. I will do it for my mother, who, with her last shred of sanity, protected me from the prejudice which I have now chosen to fight. 


End file.
